Category: Let's talk
I watched a programme last night thinking it might help me understand our ordeal..it conncerned 2 mothers who had lost babies...feck it was the most beautiful, moving,and although it sounds strange positive prog I've ever seen...the families decided to have a naming ceramony for a newborn little girl and also the ceramony would allow the grieving mother to let go..we aren't ready to do that yet,...just how do you say goodbye to somneone you were denied the chance to really know..the ceramony involved the reading of a poem and the release of balloons which were printed with the children's names...it was unbelievably simple moving and dignified
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I would encourage anyone who is grieving, angry, bitter or hurt to do this as the grieving mothers seemed to find a sense of peace afterwards which they had been unable to find in any other way...cheers Alex.
There is this writing titled: OLD DOORS by: Carla Muir……………”The auction at a quaint old farm brought many folks that day. Most items sold for less than half of what we thought we’d pay. New owners did not care for old. So on that day in June, disinterested, they watched the sale until the afternoon. Then as dusk of evening summoned farmers to their chores—the auctioneer began his bid on beautiful old doors. The bidding started at a price below what they appraise. But every time I gave my bid—a frail, worn hand would raise. So back and forth we both would bid past what I could afford. Although I wanted those old doors, I stopped when prices soared. Then as the sale reached closing time and I began to leave, I met the frail old woman with the doors she did retrieve. “Why did you pay so much for them?” Her answer was precise: “My children’s heights are on those doors—for which there is no price.” ………… Alex, maybe I am wrong but a part of your grieving apart from having to say Good-Bye never mind not being enabled to say Hello is also the having to say Good-bye to all the other things that you were only able to say Hello to in your mind to. I know I may not be making a lot of sense to you. It is just that from carrying babies of my own that right from when I knew Life was within, plans there are, hopes there are of having the days ahead with growing ones growing up and being able to do with them…even doing say the simple, like as in this writing, of marking the heights on an old door…. Maybe that is not particular something you and Ardeth are given to do, to mark off heights, but in your mind, those things too, those thots of a yet-to-be time being with this Child- yet unborn, you have had to say Good-bye to as well… So many times it seems only the Mother is given comfort of others at the passing of a Life and the Dad is tossed aside in all of it… coldness and hardness ought not to be, to be shown onto you for the care, the love, the pain you feel at the loss of this Life. Connie
I couldn't agree with Connie more. My miece lost a much wanted first baby this fall. She and her husband have tried for a long time now to get pregnant. She actually lost this child at home at about 14 weeks along in her pregnancy. She kept this baby in a small box lined with tissue and the two of them buried it together and planted wild flowers around it. She greives for what she doesn't have and what they lost. I thinkthe balloon idea is beautiful. I have another very good friend who lost three babies in the first trymester and she has a mothers necklace that has a charm on it for each child. Alex, you and Ardeth take your time and find your own way to say goodbye. Some folks thought my niece and her husband were wrong to do what they did but, I say if it brings them comfort, doesn't break the law and doesn't hurt anyone else, so be it. Know that you have been in my thoughts and prayers. I didn't respond to the other post, I'm not sure why, but now that this one is up, I do know why, I was meant to respond to this one. Take care my friend.
Peace be with you,
Carla
Thankyou Carla that was a beautiful dignified way for your niece and husband to say goodbye,I'm glad they had the chance to bury their child,but I don't know if we will ever be able to let go, due to having nothing but baby gear to remind us of our lost child..the pain of losing 1 is indescribable and often unbearable,so I can't imagine the anguish of losing 3, your friend has my admiration and respect, for trying so hard..We will take our time and hopefully there out of this will come sense of we'er ready to move on ..thankyou Carla you are a star
take care amigo...Alex
is that why arteth was in the hospital? sorry to hear of your loss alex, my prayers are with you.
Thankyou pal I appreciate it with luck she should be out this week,if her diabetes is stable
Thankyou pal I appreciate it with luck she should be out this week,if her diabetes is stable